Weekend Weigh-In: 03/02/08

Weigh-In: 290.3

First, let me preface this with a big SORRY. Things have been crazy around here (see last post for a condensed version) and on top of the craziness, I'm beginning to see that I'm in a funk. It's not depression... that's a long-lasting, chemical-imbalance-induced kinda thing. But, this weekend, I think I've finally recognized that I'm in a definite funk or have a case of the blues or whatever you want to call it. Is it the weather (we just had our 35th measureable snowfall this winter)? Is it the fact that things at work have me questioning- for the first time since I began teaching- whether I still want to teach (and, if I do, do I still want to teach in the autism program that I developed for our school district)? Is it the fact that everyone in my family has been taking turns being sick for the past month (including my husband who ended up in the hospital last weekend)? Is it the fact that Miss B is having a tough time in school right now- possibly due to ADD- and I don't know how to make it better? Is it the jerk at the theater today that basically told me that I'm a bad parent for bringing my kids to see a live, stage musical (in my kids' defense, they were very good, the girls sat with me and only occassionally whispered questions that were directly related to the show)? Is it the fact that there wasn't a sitter for choir practice tonight, and so I had to leave practice to come home with the kids (the "oldest child" in me hates to bow out of responsibilities)? It's probably a combination of all of these things.
Many years ago, I read a book called, Pursuit of Happiness (or something like that) when I was doing a teaching experience at a residential behavioral school. The whole school was based on Glasser's Reality Therapy and Control Theory (now called Choice Theory- guess Control wasn't PC), and this was one of the books they had the students read. I wish I could find it so I could share it with you and read it again for myself, but I've scoured Amazon and, even though they have a b'zillion titles relating to the "pursuit of happiness", I can't find the one that we used. Part of the book basically stated that we all have pictures in our minds of how things are supposed to be. If these pictures match our reality, we are happy. When the pictures in our minds don't match the way things really are (or when they don't match other peoples' pictures), that's when we have problems. It's very easy for me to picture the way things should be in my mind- an ideal- but there is no way that my reality can live up to all of those ideals, so something gives. This causes a domino-effect, as one area of my life doesn't match my ideal, I feel bad (guilty) about it. I get a bit down and my motivation/ energy level decreases, leading to a shortfall (or discrepancy between pictures) in another area, causing an even lower motivation/ energy level and... it's a vicious, downward spiral until I'm in a full-fledged funk. So, that's where I am right now. Some of these things that have happened this past month were in my control. Most were not. But, the other important thing I learned from this book is that we have a choice. We are in control of how we react to the events in our life. So, although I feel like this right now, I have a choice about what I'm going to do about it. Not that making those choices is always easy, but I can choose to take positive steps to get myself out of this funk. I can choose to clear space in my living room so that I can bring the exercise bike in the house and start using it (exercise raises endorphin levels and all that stuff). I can choose to continue making healthy choices about my food, taking my vitamin and drinking my water (all of which help my level of energy and general feeling good about myself). I'm proud to say that through all of the crap this past month, although I have gained a bit back from where I was (last week, when I didn't get to write a "Weigh-In" post, I was at around 294 lbs), I still weigh less now than I did a month ago. So, things are moving in the right direction again- even my mood. I plan to keep it that way.