Weigh-In: 289.8
Well, "good, bad, or ugly," I promised to weigh-in and post today, so here it is. Actually, I don't think its really good or bad. Its just there. Its better than it was a week ago... not as good as it was a few weeks ago. Sorry I didn't post sooner... I decided that if the weather wasn't going to cooperate to make it feel like spring outside, I would make it feel like spring on the inside by doing some 'Spring Cleaning'. So, that's how I spent my day (minus the time that I got sucked into blog-surfing... but I found some great new blogs in the process!) So, there's my weigh-in for the week. And that's all I'm going to write since I'm typing this with my thumbs on my phone. Talk about being all thumbs! Delete/ Backspace is becoming mt new favorite key!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Weekend Weigh-In: 04/12/08
Weigh-In: 289.8
Well, "good, bad, or ugly," I promised to weigh-in and post today, so here it is. Actually, I don't think its really good or bad. Its just there. Its better than it was a week ago... not as good as it was a few weeks ago. Sorry I didn't post sooner... I decided that if the weather wasn't going to cooperate to make it feel like spring outside, I would make it feel like spring on the inside by doing some 'Spring Cleaning'. So, that's how I spent my day (minus the time that I got sucked into blog-surfing... but I found some great new blogs in the process!) So, there's my weigh-in for the week. And that's all I'm going to write since I'm typing this with my thumbs on my phone. Talk about being all thumbs! Delete/ Backspace is becoming mt new favorite key!
Well, "good, bad, or ugly," I promised to weigh-in and post today, so here it is. Actually, I don't think its really good or bad. Its just there. Its better than it was a week ago... not as good as it was a few weeks ago. Sorry I didn't post sooner... I decided that if the weather wasn't going to cooperate to make it feel like spring outside, I would make it feel like spring on the inside by doing some 'Spring Cleaning'. So, that's how I spent my day (minus the time that I got sucked into blog-surfing... but I found some great new blogs in the process!) So, there's my weigh-in for the week. And that's all I'm going to write since I'm typing this with my thumbs on my phone. Talk about being all thumbs! Delete/ Backspace is becoming mt new favorite key!
Friday, April 11, 2008
little things mean a lot...
especially when those "little things" are expenses that can really add up!
So, I mentioned earlier that "I went a little more into detail than usual," on my Monday Night Money last week. What was this detail? A handy, dandy little thing called PearBudget. Last fall, when I first renewed my resolve to pay better attention to my money, I was searching for something that would help me do that. After downloading a few different budget programs, spreadsheets, etc., I found that PearBudget was just about what I was looking for. It got away from the individual entering of a wealth of information for each and every transaction (name, date, payee, category, memo, etc.), like I had suffered through with Quicken and MS Money in the past. And it got away from the whole balancing-the-checkbook aspect, which had also frustrated me with Quicken and MS Money because if there was one missed statement or one tiny mistake, the whole thing would be ruined and I'd have to start over again. So, I kept up with PearBudget for a while, but experienced a few set-backs that initially led me to drop it: there was still all of the data entry that comes with tracking expenses (just entering dollar amounts in the designated column) and there was the frustration of having a false analysis at the end of previous months when I made adjustments to the budgeted amounts to reflect the needs of the current month (which I solved by saving a new copy of the file each month). Anyway, in December, I dropped it completely and developed my own system- the calendar/ budget worksheets that I refer to occassionally. And, for the most part, the calendar/ budget sheets are sufficient for tracking the bills and regular expenses that occur in our budget. However, they lack the ability to track all of the variable expenses that are at the root of my money problems. And so, I dusted off the PearBudget program last Monday night so that I could take a closer look at all of my variable expenses. Boy! Was it an eye-opener! As of tonight, this month, we have spent:
$300 on household expenses (groceries, cleaning supplies, laundry soap, etc)
$300 on eating out!!! (shock of the century!)
almost $100 on gas for the car (sadly, not a shock, but normal...)
$60 on leisure/ entertainment
$80 in cash (which I still have over $50 of)
and $16 on clothing
That's $856!
I must say, most of this was spent before I did the PearBudget last Monday night and realized what a spendthrift I was being. Some of the eating out was as part of our Spring Break vacation (well, a vacation from cooking, anyway). But just by looking at what's up there, it's obvious that I NEED TO USE A PROGRAM LIKE THIS TO KEEP TRACK OF AND EXAMINE MY VARIABLE EXPENSES!!! So, I'm going to try to keep up with it this month. Guess that's another goal to add to my list!
Now, you may be wondering about this PearBudget program... What is it? How does it work? Where can I get it?
PearBudget is a beautiful Excel file that is really very user friendly. Just follow the tabs at the bottom, beginning with the one labelled, "Start Here". It will walk you through the process of setting up your budget. The other tabs are labeled, one for each month, plus there's an analysis for the end of the year (automatically generated from your monthly worksheets) and an example month. Expenses are divided into 3 basic areas: Regular Expenses, Irregular Expenses and Variable Expenses. Once you get past the "Start Here" page, it's pretty easy. Budgeted amounts are automatically transferred from the "Start" page to the monthly pages. As you enter the amounts spent under the various headings, PearBudget will automatically calculate the "total spent", compare that with the "budgeted" amount, and tell you the "difference". If you go over budget in an area, the "difference" is automatically written in red, so it's easy to see where things are going awry. There is also a column that figures your "total spent" for the month, another column for your "income" and a column that automatically figures out "what's left" for the month. At the bottom of the page is an Analysis section that will take a look at your overall spending for the month. At the end, it gives you a nice "Income vs. Expense Overview" that just sums it all up... letting you know how much you earned, how much you spent, and answers the question, "Did we end up saving anything?" It really is nice. I'd recommend it to anyone wanting to track their variable expenses but not wanting to do the math for themselves (again with my hating of the math!). PearBudget does everything for you! There are now 2 versions of PearBudget. There's the version that I just told you about, which is an Excel spreadsheet that can be used in most spreadsheet programs, and there's a web-based program now that is allegedly better, but costs $3 a month after a free trial (I believe). I say "allegedly" because I don't know. The Excel version of PearBudget really does what I need it to do, so I haven't complicated matters by checking out the new, improved version. Plus, I don't want to check it out, find out that I really do like it better and then try to justify spending $3 a month to use the program (even though that's still substantially cheaper than any other online budgeting/ money-management programs that I've seen out there). Sometimes it's just better to not know what you're missing out on. So, if you love Excel like I do and just want to see a beautiful example of what Excel truly can do at it's best (in my opinion), click here. If you've been searching for a FREE tool to help with budgeting or tracking your expenses, click here. If you've been looking to simplify your money management system from a cumbersome, time-consuming program like Quicken or MS Money, click here. And, if you suffer from multiple personalities and clicked all three of those links, only to realize that they all lead you to the same place, sue me. It's a good program, solving each of those problems... well worth checking out. So, what are you waiting for?
PS- if PearBudget really doesn't work for you and you're still searching for something, click here. There are a bunch of links with something for everyone.
So, I mentioned earlier that "I went a little more into detail than usual," on my Monday Night Money last week. What was this detail? A handy, dandy little thing called PearBudget. Last fall, when I first renewed my resolve to pay better attention to my money, I was searching for something that would help me do that. After downloading a few different budget programs, spreadsheets, etc., I found that PearBudget was just about what I was looking for. It got away from the individual entering of a wealth of information for each and every transaction (name, date, payee, category, memo, etc.), like I had suffered through with Quicken and MS Money in the past. And it got away from the whole balancing-the-checkbook aspect, which had also frustrated me with Quicken and MS Money because if there was one missed statement or one tiny mistake, the whole thing would be ruined and I'd have to start over again. So, I kept up with PearBudget for a while, but experienced a few set-backs that initially led me to drop it: there was still all of the data entry that comes with tracking expenses (just entering dollar amounts in the designated column) and there was the frustration of having a false analysis at the end of previous months when I made adjustments to the budgeted amounts to reflect the needs of the current month (which I solved by saving a new copy of the file each month). Anyway, in December, I dropped it completely and developed my own system- the calendar/ budget worksheets that I refer to occassionally. And, for the most part, the calendar/ budget sheets are sufficient for tracking the bills and regular expenses that occur in our budget. However, they lack the ability to track all of the variable expenses that are at the root of my money problems. And so, I dusted off the PearBudget program last Monday night so that I could take a closer look at all of my variable expenses. Boy! Was it an eye-opener! As of tonight, this month, we have spent:
$300 on household expenses (groceries, cleaning supplies, laundry soap, etc)
$300 on eating out!!! (shock of the century!)
almost $100 on gas for the car (sadly, not a shock, but normal...)
$60 on leisure/ entertainment
$80 in cash (which I still have over $50 of)
and $16 on clothing
That's $856!
I must say, most of this was spent before I did the PearBudget last Monday night and realized what a spendthrift I was being. Some of the eating out was as part of our Spring Break vacation (well, a vacation from cooking, anyway). But just by looking at what's up there, it's obvious that I NEED TO USE A PROGRAM LIKE THIS TO KEEP TRACK OF AND EXAMINE MY VARIABLE EXPENSES!!! So, I'm going to try to keep up with it this month. Guess that's another goal to add to my list!
Now, you may be wondering about this PearBudget program... What is it? How does it work? Where can I get it?
PearBudget is a beautiful Excel file that is really very user friendly. Just follow the tabs at the bottom, beginning with the one labelled, "Start Here". It will walk you through the process of setting up your budget. The other tabs are labeled, one for each month, plus there's an analysis for the end of the year (automatically generated from your monthly worksheets) and an example month. Expenses are divided into 3 basic areas: Regular Expenses, Irregular Expenses and Variable Expenses. Once you get past the "Start Here" page, it's pretty easy. Budgeted amounts are automatically transferred from the "Start" page to the monthly pages. As you enter the amounts spent under the various headings, PearBudget will automatically calculate the "total spent", compare that with the "budgeted" amount, and tell you the "difference". If you go over budget in an area, the "difference" is automatically written in red, so it's easy to see where things are going awry. There is also a column that figures your "total spent" for the month, another column for your "income" and a column that automatically figures out "what's left" for the month. At the bottom of the page is an Analysis section that will take a look at your overall spending for the month. At the end, it gives you a nice "Income vs. Expense Overview" that just sums it all up... letting you know how much you earned, how much you spent, and answers the question, "Did we end up saving anything?" It really is nice. I'd recommend it to anyone wanting to track their variable expenses but not wanting to do the math for themselves (again with my hating of the math!). PearBudget does everything for you! There are now 2 versions of PearBudget. There's the version that I just told you about, which is an Excel spreadsheet that can be used in most spreadsheet programs, and there's a web-based program now that is allegedly better, but costs $3 a month after a free trial (I believe). I say "allegedly" because I don't know. The Excel version of PearBudget really does what I need it to do, so I haven't complicated matters by checking out the new, improved version. Plus, I don't want to check it out, find out that I really do like it better and then try to justify spending $3 a month to use the program (even though that's still substantially cheaper than any other online budgeting/ money-management programs that I've seen out there). Sometimes it's just better to not know what you're missing out on. So, if you love Excel like I do and just want to see a beautiful example of what Excel truly can do at it's best (in my opinion), click here. If you've been searching for a FREE tool to help with budgeting or tracking your expenses, click here. If you've been looking to simplify your money management system from a cumbersome, time-consuming program like Quicken or MS Money, click here. And, if you suffer from multiple personalities and clicked all three of those links, only to realize that they all lead you to the same place, sue me. It's a good program, solving each of those problems... well worth checking out. So, what are you waiting for?
PS- if PearBudget really doesn't work for you and you're still searching for something, click here. There are a bunch of links with something for everyone.
goals revisited...
So, a few weeks ago, I wrote about my goals... ones I'd done, ones I'd kinda done and ones I shoulda done. Given the "kinda dones" and the "shoulda dones", all of my goals were "to be continued." And, thinking about it, I guess most goals should "be continued" for a while. They say it takes 21 days to establish a new habit. That's three whole weeks of consciously making yourself do something new before it becomes a habit. And, after all, that's what this is all about- changing my habits, my lifestyle. Not just trying something new for a week or a few days. So, it is without regret that I am revisiting my goals and stamping them with a big fat "To Be Continued".
1. Put the checkbook and debit card away (again!). I've been pretty good about it this week. Last week? Not so much. But this week, the checkbook and debit card spent the week in the drawer. They came out on Wednesday night because I forgot that I had cash that I should have used to buy dinner for DH and myself and today because DH had to write a check at the dentist's office. And, I'll admit, they had a field trip to Target too, but we limited ourselves to the Dollar Spot and getting some cash out for the coming week. Both the checkbook and debit card are now safely back home in the drawer where they now live.
2. Buy the materials for doing the envelope (cash only) system. Okay, before I said that I had done this- twice. If I want to be totally honest, I've actually done this 3 times. Once, a few months ago, and I've been unable to find the coupon organizer since! So, I went back to the office store and bought the exact same one, then found one that I liked better at Target a few days later. And somewhere between then and now, I've managed to misplace them again! So, I'm modifying this goal to: Finding the materials for doing the envelope (cash only) system.
3. Get cash out of the bank and actually do the envelopes! I've got the cash. I've actually been using it (some... when I remember that I have it). Once the above goal is accomplished, I'll try again.
4. Look up menu planning and plan a menu. I didn't actually write out my menu, but I had it in my head and I followed it! Using my gmail recipe file, I was even able to look up a recipe while I was at the grocery store when I realized that I needed to make a crockpot meal for Tuesday evening! Let me tell you, that was handy! Let me just say, once again, that I love using a Gmail account as a recipe file! Gmail Rocks! With all of that said, I haven't actually planned my meal for this coming week yet, but given my financial panic earlier today and the realization that I need to "be extra-good for the rest of the month", meal planning isn't exactly an option. It's a requirement. We will be living off of what we have on hand as much as possible for the rest of the month and meal planning is an essential key to doing that so we don't end up eating "pumpkin-tuna-bean surprise" or something equally frightening because those are the only ingredients left in the pantry!
5. Look up ways of doing Price Books. I did this over break. I did this some after our big shopping trip to Walmart, but when I did, I realized that the original, most recently saved copy of my price book is still trapped in my mom's laptop and I need to send it to myself from her computer sometime. So, this goal becomes: Send myself a copy of the Price Book from mom's computer this week.
6. Clean off, adjust, and use the exercise bike at least one time! I did this (finally)... exactly one time. I may be doing it more in the near future, as I extended my walk this morning, and appear to have done something funky to my right leg/ankle/foot. Don't know exactly what I did or how, but it hurts. Maybe riding the bike would be less impact? I don't know, but I do know that I won't be going for lengthy walks anytime soon.
7. Lose some weight. Okay, this one remains to be seen. But, I promise to weigh-in and actually blog about it and post it sometime this weekend- good, bad or ugly!
1. Put the checkbook and debit card away (again!). I've been pretty good about it this week. Last week? Not so much. But this week, the checkbook and debit card spent the week in the drawer. They came out on Wednesday night because I forgot that I had cash that I should have used to buy dinner for DH and myself and today because DH had to write a check at the dentist's office. And, I'll admit, they had a field trip to Target too, but we limited ourselves to the Dollar Spot and getting some cash out for the coming week. Both the checkbook and debit card are now safely back home in the drawer where they now live.
2. Buy the materials for doing the envelope (cash only) system. Okay, before I said that I had done this- twice. If I want to be totally honest, I've actually done this 3 times. Once, a few months ago, and I've been unable to find the coupon organizer since! So, I went back to the office store and bought the exact same one, then found one that I liked better at Target a few days later. And somewhere between then and now, I've managed to misplace them again! So, I'm modifying this goal to: Finding the materials for doing the envelope (cash only) system.
3. Get cash out of the bank and actually do the envelopes! I've got the cash. I've actually been using it (some... when I remember that I have it). Once the above goal is accomplished, I'll try again.
4. Look up menu planning and plan a menu. I didn't actually write out my menu, but I had it in my head and I followed it! Using my gmail recipe file, I was even able to look up a recipe while I was at the grocery store when I realized that I needed to make a crockpot meal for Tuesday evening! Let me tell you, that was handy! Let me just say, once again, that I love using a Gmail account as a recipe file! Gmail Rocks! With all of that said, I haven't actually planned my meal for this coming week yet, but given my financial panic earlier today and the realization that I need to "be extra-good for the rest of the month", meal planning isn't exactly an option. It's a requirement. We will be living off of what we have on hand as much as possible for the rest of the month and meal planning is an essential key to doing that so we don't end up eating "pumpkin-tuna-bean surprise" or something equally frightening because those are the only ingredients left in the pantry!
5. Look up ways of doing Price Books. I did this over break. I did this some after our big shopping trip to Walmart, but when I did, I realized that the original, most recently saved copy of my price book is still trapped in my mom's laptop and I need to send it to myself from her computer sometime. So, this goal becomes: Send myself a copy of the Price Book from mom's computer this week.
6. Clean off, adjust, and use the exercise bike at least one time! I did this (finally)... exactly one time. I may be doing it more in the near future, as I extended my walk this morning, and appear to have done something funky to my right leg/ankle/foot. Don't know exactly what I did or how, but it hurts. Maybe riding the bike would be less impact? I don't know, but I do know that I won't be going for lengthy walks anytime soon.
7. Lose some weight. Okay, this one remains to be seen. But, I promise to weigh-in and actually blog about it and post it sometime this weekend- good, bad or ugly!
Friday Night Finances...
like Monday Night Money, only earlier!
Check-In: $2211.08
Seriously, as I said in my last post, the extra bills that popped up in the last 2 days kinda freaked me out. Evidently, my reaction to the dentist bill freaked DH out, since he went to his employer to talk to him about the "emergency fund" that he has set up for his employees- even though I told DH not to talk to him until I'd had a chance to look at our finances- and DH also tried to call the dentist's office (tonight) to cancel his oral surgery that is scheduled for Monday. He's quite the reactionary! After taking a look at things tonight, it's really not too bad, we will just have to be extra-good for the rest of the month, but we should be fine. Most of our ER fund money will probably be wiped away, but I'm appreciative to have that extra cushion to get us through these times. We won't be any worse off than when we didn't have an ER fund and we can just build it back up again. Of course, it will be a lot slower going this time around... without having a tax refund to boost it from $0 to $1000 in one fell swoop!
The good news for this week was that I finally got ahold of claims services for the hospital and the insurance company to straighten out our "coordination of benefits"- just so I could tell them that there's nothing to coordinate... we have no other insurance. The result of this (aka- "good news") is that we owe the hospital nothing for Miss B's trip to the ER in February, nothing for Mr. C's trip to the ER in February, and only $331.24 for DH's 3-day hospital stay in February. Before insurance, these 3 trips totalled almost $14,000! All I can say is THANK GOD FOR INSURANCE!!! Of course, having such good insurance that I pay nothing for is one of the things that is making my what-to-do-with-my-job/career/life decision that much harder! But that's another blog...
Check-In: $2211.08
Seriously, as I said in my last post, the extra bills that popped up in the last 2 days kinda freaked me out. Evidently, my reaction to the dentist bill freaked DH out, since he went to his employer to talk to him about the "emergency fund" that he has set up for his employees- even though I told DH not to talk to him until I'd had a chance to look at our finances- and DH also tried to call the dentist's office (tonight) to cancel his oral surgery that is scheduled for Monday. He's quite the reactionary! After taking a look at things tonight, it's really not too bad, we will just have to be extra-good for the rest of the month, but we should be fine. Most of our ER fund money will probably be wiped away, but I'm appreciative to have that extra cushion to get us through these times. We won't be any worse off than when we didn't have an ER fund and we can just build it back up again. Of course, it will be a lot slower going this time around... without having a tax refund to boost it from $0 to $1000 in one fell swoop!
The good news for this week was that I finally got ahold of claims services for the hospital and the insurance company to straighten out our "coordination of benefits"- just so I could tell them that there's nothing to coordinate... we have no other insurance. The result of this (aka- "good news") is that we owe the hospital nothing for Miss B's trip to the ER in February, nothing for Mr. C's trip to the ER in February, and only $331.24 for DH's 3-day hospital stay in February. Before insurance, these 3 trips totalled almost $14,000! All I can say is THANK GOD FOR INSURANCE!!! Of course, having such good insurance that I pay nothing for is one of the things that is making my what-to-do-with-my-job/career/life decision that much harder! But that's another blog...
back to blogging...
finally...
It's been a crazy couple of weeks, and yet 'crazy' seems to be the new norm around here. We had a partly nice spring break- interrupted by things like a broken down van, a shortened vacation and my 96-year-old grandma going into the hospital. Then, I went back to work... back to the antagonizing, stressful insanity that my work environment has become. And grandma stayed in the hospital (or at least she should have stayed in the hospital... leaving against her dr's orders only to end up back in the hospital again 2 days later). Now, she is out of the hospital again, basically because there is no testing or treatment that she's willing to put herself through (and I don't blame her- who wants to have a bone marrow biopsy or go on dialysis at 96?) and because she has someone to stay with her at her apartment for the time being. I don't know if it's stress or what, but my weight was up last weekend (around 293? I think) and I was just not motivated to post. I figured I'd do a "belated weigh-in" again (maybe my weight would come down some by then, right?). Then came Monday night. And I did my Monday Night Money, like I'm supposed to (even though I totally didn't feel like it after dragging my husband and children through the aisles of Walmart to "just pick up a few things"... $200 later, we made it out of the store). But, I went a little more into details than usual (more to come on that later) and with the late start, it was midnight by the time I got through with the normal money stuff. The end of an 18-hour day is no time to be blogging. Although brain-dead, sleep-deprived blogs are sometimes amusing, they are rarely ever helpful. And then the week happened. Time and the motivation to write just never crossed paths. Fast-forward to tonight, when I asked DH how much he'd written the check for at the dentist's office today. It was almost double what I'd anticipated and, added to another unexpected $500+ bill, nearly sent me into cardiac arrest! So, when we got home, it was time for a panicked episode of "Friday Night Finances" and here we are...
It's been a crazy couple of weeks, and yet 'crazy' seems to be the new norm around here. We had a partly nice spring break- interrupted by things like a broken down van, a shortened vacation and my 96-year-old grandma going into the hospital. Then, I went back to work... back to the antagonizing, stressful insanity that my work environment has become. And grandma stayed in the hospital (or at least she should have stayed in the hospital... leaving against her dr's orders only to end up back in the hospital again 2 days later). Now, she is out of the hospital again, basically because there is no testing or treatment that she's willing to put herself through (and I don't blame her- who wants to have a bone marrow biopsy or go on dialysis at 96?) and because she has someone to stay with her at her apartment for the time being. I don't know if it's stress or what, but my weight was up last weekend (around 293? I think) and I was just not motivated to post. I figured I'd do a "belated weigh-in" again (maybe my weight would come down some by then, right?). Then came Monday night. And I did my Monday Night Money, like I'm supposed to (even though I totally didn't feel like it after dragging my husband and children through the aisles of Walmart to "just pick up a few things"... $200 later, we made it out of the store). But, I went a little more into details than usual (more to come on that later) and with the late start, it was midnight by the time I got through with the normal money stuff. The end of an 18-hour day is no time to be blogging. Although brain-dead, sleep-deprived blogs are sometimes amusing, they are rarely ever helpful. And then the week happened. Time and the motivation to write just never crossed paths. Fast-forward to tonight, when I asked DH how much he'd written the check for at the dentist's office today. It was almost double what I'd anticipated and, added to another unexpected $500+ bill, nearly sent me into cardiac arrest! So, when we got home, it was time for a panicked episode of "Friday Night Finances" and here we are...
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Weight-lifting...
I mean "weight-lifting" not as a physical exercise, but as a mental one. I'm talking about the weight that we carry around on our shoulders and about the effect of having a weight lifted off of our shoulders. For a while now, I have been in a funk. It's not as bad now as it was before, but it's still been with me. There were momentary "good times"... momentary "ups", but then this weight would come right back and descend upon my shoulders. I hadn't pinpointed any one thing as the cause of this weight, but looking now, I think a large part of it was due to "uncertainty".
There were several things going on in several very important areas of my life... things that caused me to question who I was, what I wanted/ needed, where I was supposed to be, what I was supposed to be doing with my life, etc.
Without going into a lot of details, there were things that happened at church that led me (us, our family) to leave the church we were attending. This left a big, gaping hole of loss- losing good friends, support, and people that have been like an extended family (I'd gone to this church since I was a child). I went through a lot making this decision to leave. It was definitely a period of uncertainty. What was right for me? What was right for our family? What did we need in a church? Where could we find it? Should we stay or leave? What does God want me to do? Where is He leading me? There were a million and one questions. And, just as quickly as we had found a new place to worship, we were led back the the "old" church that I had grown up in. Again, there was uncertainty and again there were all the questions waiting to be answered a second time. And all the while, I was straining to hear God's voice... I'm still straining to hear it... to go where He is leading us (or stay where He wants us).
About the same time things began to change at work. Suddenly, we had more students than we've ever had in our classroom (with no more staff), staff was taken away or "reassigned", students were placed in our classroom that should be in more intensive, specialized programs. Add to that an administration that is scrutinizing my classroom/ program (and me), and I began to wonder if it was all worth it. Then came more questions: Should I keep teaching? Do I want to keep teaching? If I don't want to teach anymore, what do I want to do? And even more pressing were the questions about meeting my family's needs: What job (or jobs) can I do to keep insurance for our family? What can I do to make enough money to support us? What can I do without needing any further education? The kicker came on the last day before spring break when I discovered that our classroom was not included in the plans for the following year. We had been removed from the "classroom assignment floor plan" for the 2008-2009 school year without forewarning or explanation. I only discovered this during the staff meeting where the classroom assignments were handed out. I would think that out of professional courtesy an adminstrator would, at least, share this information with me before the meeting and offer an explanation of where we would be going next year (and that's all I'll say- venting doesn't do any good, anyway... just makes me mad all over again). I guess professional courtesy's not what it used to be...
And, as if the uncertainty of the church and job situations weren't enough, I went through the painful process of watching my intelligent, artistic, creative six-year-old struggle in first grade because of difficulty attending. I watched her struggle and fall further behind, despite interventions at home and at school. Finally, when our interventions weren't helping, we went to her pediatrician where she was diagnosed with ADHD (something I never saw coming- especially for this child) and she began taking a low dose of medicine to help with her inattention. The road to this place was paved with self-doubt and more questions: Is this something were causing at home? Is there something we should be doing differently? Is she eating too much sugar/ red dye/ high fructose corn syrup/ etc? Is it a behavioral reaction to one (or more) of her asthma meds? Is it a lack of sleep because of her asthma or anxiety? Did I push her too hard? Not hard enough? Should she be in the school she's at (an accelerated magnet school for kids at or above grade-level)? The questions and doubts go on and on... Of course, I know the rational answers to many of these questions, but it doesn't stop the thoughts from niggling at the back of my brain. And once she was diagnosed, there were even more questions: Should we use medicine to help her? Should we move her to another school? Should I homeschool her? And if I did homeschool, how could I possibly meet some of my family's other needs (like clothing, food, shelter and insurance)?
And, of course, there are always a few other uncertainties that crop up. Where will Princess Tippytoes go to Kindergarten next year? If I'm at a new school, will they let me register her there or will she have to go to her neighborhood school? If she has to go to her neighborhood school, how will she get to and from school? Who will take her? Will I have to ask my parents to take on yet another of my parental responsibilities? Is that fair to them? And where will Mr. C go to preschool next year? (I'm not overly fond of where my DD is going right now and want to send him somewhere else) I'm sure I could think of more, but you get the idea. Too many questions and not enough answers! Trying to figure out what I should do and what was best for our family is exhausting, draining, it just plain sucks!
In the past, whenever I'm supposed to do something or change something in my life, God has been pretty clear about it. I just knew that Culver-Stockton was the college that I should go to. (That college led me to my best friend, who in turn led me to my husband.) A few years later, I just knew that I was supposed to move back home. After having several different options, there was just this huge feeling of rightness when I was talking about moving back home and I knew it was what I was supposed to do. Fast-forward a few more years and I just knew that I was supposed to marry my husband (we didn't even technically date before we got engaged). In terms of my job, I can look back and see a natural progression that God has led me through. I can see why I didn't get the job with an autism program in another town... that a few years later, I got to work where I do now and create my own autism program for the district in my hometown. And I just knew that this is the house we are supposed to be in (even if it's not my first choice in terms of style) because things just fell into place... a friend of the family offering to sell it to us for less than it appraised for... for what we could afford... a house with a layout very well-suited to a family with young children and enough space to stay in for many years to come (if not forever). And if that's not enough of a "sign", the house number is our anniversary: 1009 (we were married on October 9th)! I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've always been able to feel God leading me... letting me know where I'm supposed to go or what I'm supposed to do. But these events lately... well, I'm just not getting those feelings. Or I'm getting mixed signals. Whatever it is, I just wasn't finding the answers that I've been looking for. And so, I've been in my funk... preoccupied with finding the answers to these questions whenever something else wasn't taking up my attention, and sometimes even when other things were taking up my attention. I'd be busy doing things or enjoying myself, but as soon as there was a lull, the weight would come right back and settle on my shoulders. The questions would come back, hungry for answers.
And then came yesterday. Yesterday, a few things became a whole lot clearer. I found out that the reason that we are not going to be at our current school next year is because they are extending the autism program, creating another classroom for 3rd- 5th grade students with autism (something I have been wanting them to do/ telling them they need to do since our program started 5 years ago). We will be moving to a school that will have 2 rooms as classrooms and a room between to share as a sensory/ break room for the students. Best of all, this school is our neighborhood school. Yes! I will have a 2 block commute! How awesome is that- especially with the price of gas! I have heard nothing but good things about this school and the principal (so far), and I am looking forward to moving there next year! This puts an end to my many "job-search, possible-career related questions". I can stay with the same district, doing what I love and keep my salary and insurance for our family (wow! we will be able to eat!). This also answers the question of where Princess Tippytoes will go to Kindergarten next year, since it's her neighborhood school. It also goes a long way to convince me that Miss B should go to this school next year too. It will make things easier, having both girls at the same school- especially if it's the school where I teach. It will also solve the issue of after-school care for Miss B. I realize that next year, Mr. C will still be at my mom's, but after that, all 3 kids will be in school. It would be nice to have them all at the same school and to have them at the school where I teach. That way, we won't have to worry about who will meet the bus and watch the kids until I get home.
As for Miss B, with her ADHD issues, I contacted the teacher after she'd been taking the medicine for a week, to see if she had noticed a difference. I received a glowing report, stating how Miss B was focused, participated in class discussions, and hadn't needed to be redirected at all during the week! It was like Miss B's teacher was finally seeing the wonderful child that we know her to be!that was another huge weight that was lifted... So many of our doubts were cured with that one note (at least for now).
And, as for church, we're where we're supposed to be for now. That's all I need to know.
So, with all of this weight lifted off my shoulders, I feel better. I feel positive. I can breathe a little deeper now. I don't have to spend so much energy trying to figure out the answers to all my questions and that translates into having more energy for other things. I actually walked today (something that I'd been scrimping on lately, if not slacking altogether). And tonight I actually did 2 other good things. First, I made dinner- a dinner that I had planned on my menu! And second, I actually cleaned off the exercise bike and I rode it tonight- for the first time in 3+ years! So, all of that blabbering on was really just to say that "weight-lifting" can have a really powerful, positive effect on you. Not only in solving some of your problems (problems that are the proverbial weight on your shoulders), but also by freeing up energy to focus on and do better things for yourself! Of course, it was also just a big old excuse for me to vent... to write down and work through some of the things that have been piling up and attacking me for a while. So, I also thank you for listening/ reading if you've made it this far.
There were several things going on in several very important areas of my life... things that caused me to question who I was, what I wanted/ needed, where I was supposed to be, what I was supposed to be doing with my life, etc.
Without going into a lot of details, there were things that happened at church that led me (us, our family) to leave the church we were attending. This left a big, gaping hole of loss- losing good friends, support, and people that have been like an extended family (I'd gone to this church since I was a child). I went through a lot making this decision to leave. It was definitely a period of uncertainty. What was right for me? What was right for our family? What did we need in a church? Where could we find it? Should we stay or leave? What does God want me to do? Where is He leading me? There were a million and one questions. And, just as quickly as we had found a new place to worship, we were led back the the "old" church that I had grown up in. Again, there was uncertainty and again there were all the questions waiting to be answered a second time. And all the while, I was straining to hear God's voice... I'm still straining to hear it... to go where He is leading us (or stay where He wants us).
About the same time things began to change at work. Suddenly, we had more students than we've ever had in our classroom (with no more staff), staff was taken away or "reassigned", students were placed in our classroom that should be in more intensive, specialized programs. Add to that an administration that is scrutinizing my classroom/ program (and me), and I began to wonder if it was all worth it. Then came more questions: Should I keep teaching? Do I want to keep teaching? If I don't want to teach anymore, what do I want to do? And even more pressing were the questions about meeting my family's needs: What job (or jobs) can I do to keep insurance for our family? What can I do to make enough money to support us? What can I do without needing any further education? The kicker came on the last day before spring break when I discovered that our classroom was not included in the plans for the following year. We had been removed from the "classroom assignment floor plan" for the 2008-2009 school year without forewarning or explanation. I only discovered this during the staff meeting where the classroom assignments were handed out. I would think that out of professional courtesy an adminstrator would, at least, share this information with me before the meeting and offer an explanation of where we would be going next year (and that's all I'll say- venting doesn't do any good, anyway... just makes me mad all over again). I guess professional courtesy's not what it used to be...
And, as if the uncertainty of the church and job situations weren't enough, I went through the painful process of watching my intelligent, artistic, creative six-year-old struggle in first grade because of difficulty attending. I watched her struggle and fall further behind, despite interventions at home and at school. Finally, when our interventions weren't helping, we went to her pediatrician where she was diagnosed with ADHD (something I never saw coming- especially for this child) and she began taking a low dose of medicine to help with her inattention. The road to this place was paved with self-doubt and more questions: Is this something were causing at home? Is there something we should be doing differently? Is she eating too much sugar/ red dye/ high fructose corn syrup/ etc? Is it a behavioral reaction to one (or more) of her asthma meds? Is it a lack of sleep because of her asthma or anxiety? Did I push her too hard? Not hard enough? Should she be in the school she's at (an accelerated magnet school for kids at or above grade-level)? The questions and doubts go on and on... Of course, I know the rational answers to many of these questions, but it doesn't stop the thoughts from niggling at the back of my brain. And once she was diagnosed, there were even more questions: Should we use medicine to help her? Should we move her to another school? Should I homeschool her? And if I did homeschool, how could I possibly meet some of my family's other needs (like clothing, food, shelter and insurance)?
And, of course, there are always a few other uncertainties that crop up. Where will Princess Tippytoes go to Kindergarten next year? If I'm at a new school, will they let me register her there or will she have to go to her neighborhood school? If she has to go to her neighborhood school, how will she get to and from school? Who will take her? Will I have to ask my parents to take on yet another of my parental responsibilities? Is that fair to them? And where will Mr. C go to preschool next year? (I'm not overly fond of where my DD is going right now and want to send him somewhere else) I'm sure I could think of more, but you get the idea. Too many questions and not enough answers! Trying to figure out what I should do and what was best for our family is exhausting, draining, it just plain sucks!
In the past, whenever I'm supposed to do something or change something in my life, God has been pretty clear about it. I just knew that Culver-Stockton was the college that I should go to. (That college led me to my best friend, who in turn led me to my husband.) A few years later, I just knew that I was supposed to move back home. After having several different options, there was just this huge feeling of rightness when I was talking about moving back home and I knew it was what I was supposed to do. Fast-forward a few more years and I just knew that I was supposed to marry my husband (we didn't even technically date before we got engaged). In terms of my job, I can look back and see a natural progression that God has led me through. I can see why I didn't get the job with an autism program in another town... that a few years later, I got to work where I do now and create my own autism program for the district in my hometown. And I just knew that this is the house we are supposed to be in (even if it's not my first choice in terms of style) because things just fell into place... a friend of the family offering to sell it to us for less than it appraised for... for what we could afford... a house with a layout very well-suited to a family with young children and enough space to stay in for many years to come (if not forever). And if that's not enough of a "sign", the house number is our anniversary: 1009 (we were married on October 9th)! I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've always been able to feel God leading me... letting me know where I'm supposed to go or what I'm supposed to do. But these events lately... well, I'm just not getting those feelings. Or I'm getting mixed signals. Whatever it is, I just wasn't finding the answers that I've been looking for. And so, I've been in my funk... preoccupied with finding the answers to these questions whenever something else wasn't taking up my attention, and sometimes even when other things were taking up my attention. I'd be busy doing things or enjoying myself, but as soon as there was a lull, the weight would come right back and settle on my shoulders. The questions would come back, hungry for answers.
And then came yesterday. Yesterday, a few things became a whole lot clearer. I found out that the reason that we are not going to be at our current school next year is because they are extending the autism program, creating another classroom for 3rd- 5th grade students with autism (something I have been wanting them to do/ telling them they need to do since our program started 5 years ago). We will be moving to a school that will have 2 rooms as classrooms and a room between to share as a sensory/ break room for the students. Best of all, this school is our neighborhood school. Yes! I will have a 2 block commute! How awesome is that- especially with the price of gas! I have heard nothing but good things about this school and the principal (so far), and I am looking forward to moving there next year! This puts an end to my many "job-search, possible-career related questions". I can stay with the same district, doing what I love and keep my salary and insurance for our family (wow! we will be able to eat!). This also answers the question of where Princess Tippytoes will go to Kindergarten next year, since it's her neighborhood school. It also goes a long way to convince me that Miss B should go to this school next year too. It will make things easier, having both girls at the same school- especially if it's the school where I teach. It will also solve the issue of after-school care for Miss B. I realize that next year, Mr. C will still be at my mom's, but after that, all 3 kids will be in school. It would be nice to have them all at the same school and to have them at the school where I teach. That way, we won't have to worry about who will meet the bus and watch the kids until I get home.
As for Miss B, with her ADHD issues, I contacted the teacher after she'd been taking the medicine for a week, to see if she had noticed a difference. I received a glowing report, stating how Miss B was focused, participated in class discussions, and hadn't needed to be redirected at all during the week! It was like Miss B's teacher was finally seeing the wonderful child that we know her to be!
And, as for church, we're where we're supposed to be for now. That's all I need to know.
So, with all of this weight lifted off my shoulders, I feel better. I feel positive. I can breathe a little deeper now. I don't have to spend so much energy trying to figure out the answers to all my questions and that translates into having more energy for other things. I actually walked today (something that I'd been scrimping on lately, if not slacking altogether). And tonight I actually did 2 other good things. First, I made dinner- a dinner that I had planned on my menu! And second, I actually cleaned off the exercise bike and I rode it tonight- for the first time in 3+ years! So, all of that blabbering on was really just to say that "weight-lifting" can have a really powerful, positive effect on you. Not only in solving some of your problems (problems that are the proverbial weight on your shoulders), but also by freeing up energy to focus on and do better things for yourself! Of course, it was also just a big old excuse for me to vent... to write down and work through some of the things that have been piling up and attacking me for a while. So, I also thank you for listening/ reading if you've made it this far.
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